Bowserings

•My brother, the **ck

Today is the 2nd wedding anniversary of my older brother Darren and his wife Shanyn.  As a tribute, I have found the notes I scribbled my best man speech on, and would like share them with anyone who was not in attendance in Sayulita, Mexico, the evening of October 28, 2009:

“Shanyn, I am so thrilled to call you my sister.  I never had one growing up, and now you are the only sister-in-law I have.  You are such a joy, and I get so excited whenever I get to see you.  I hope that in the coming years I’ll get to se more of you than I do now, because you are truly one of my favourite people.

Winessing the happiness that you and Owen have brought to Darren… you are an amazing presence, and I am so happy that you are now my sister.

(pause)

(Ahem) I hated Darren Fischer.  He was arrogant, self-centered, and an all around dick.  I was convinced that the nurses switched him at birth.  There was no way that this kid my older brother.

He was just weird!  He dyed his hair orange and then shaved it completely bald.  And then he’d throw on some wrangler jeans and head to school.  Or late at night, we’d be watching TV, and I’d get up to get some cookies.

(as Darren) “Corey, make macaronies”
“What did you say?”
“Make macaronies, you’re hungry!”
I was too perplexed to find out why he pluralised macaroni, so I went to bed.

Besides being odd, he was a bully.  I routinely had to run and hide in the bathroom, as it was the only door which locked.  My saving grace for about 9 months was when I found out that he stopped delivering flyers, and was instead chucking them into the garbage bin across the street.  At the first sign of a beating, all I had to do was loudly proclaim, “DAR-REN THREW OUT HIS FLY-ERS” in a sing-song manner, and it was crisis averted.

I never thought I’d have a brother who cared.  I was stuck with the prick.

Then we went to New Zealand.  There must be some magic in that kiwi water, because when he got back, he was a changed man.  He was actually intriguing and thoughtful, and considered my feelings.  It may be a coincidence that I was also strong enough to finally kick his ass…

I am truly honoured to be able to stand here today and toast him at his wedding.  What really makes me happy is that I wasn’t selected to be here because I am family; I can honestly call him one of my best friends.

I would never have thought this 10 years ago, but Darren, you are a great older brother.

Cheers!”

Happy Anniversary Darren & Shanyn!

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